Monday, July 26, 2010
So long...
This post is coming so long after my previous post and I continue to wonder where the time has gone. Mya is 2 1/2 and Mason turned 1 in June. I can't believe they are getting so big. And so much fun. As I read others' blogs I love to hear what others are doing and it is hard to keep in touch on the phone. So I am really trying to be better about this. I think I have said this before, but I would really like to keep updating everyone about our crazy life. Not to mention just remind myself of how blessed I am. I do think that one day, I will look back on this with fond memories.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
New Year's Eve
Well, it is the evening before 2010 and I am sitting in bed as my kids are quietly sleeping in their little beds. I continue to want to blog more frequently, but for one reason or another can never find the time.
As I look back over the last week, month, year, I cannot believe how quickly life changes! I finished my first year of doc school, had a baby, and now that baby is more like a toddler. Baby Mason. What a joy he is in our lives. He is so smiley and so interactive right now. It is like he is finally starting to be his own little person. I just love him, love him. I am happy to say that because initially, I did not have that feeling. I had a harder time bonding with him than I did with Mya. I don't know if it was shear exhaustion, or the excitement of the first child that wore off with the second one, but I just didn't have the instant connection that I did with Mya. I knew I would bond with him, but it just wasn't there immediately. I just can't believe he has grown up so much. He is rolling and smiling and talking (well cooing and babbling). He lights up the room when he smiles and just has a way of having his happy mood be contagious.
And Ms. Mya. She is really starting to come into her own. As she continues to be more and more independent, Dee and I are continually amazed at how quickly she has also grown up. She is now having full conversations with us. I asked her if she wanted french fries the other day and she proceeded to order a hamburger! I didn't even mention a hamburger and she just put the association together on her own. And talking so much. She talks and talks. Sings and sings. Just all by herself, having a good time without bothering anyone. We are so blessed that she loves her naps and her alone time.
I find myself telling continually reminding myself to live in the moments. There have been so many moments, particularly lately, that I have just been enjoying the moments. As I lay and snuggle with Mason after he eats and before he goes to bed. He curls up in the fetal position, just as he was in the womb and we just lay in the warmth of one another. Mya lays her head on my shoulder, at the most random times, sitting on the couch, playing on the floor, and just says, "I love you mommy". These moments have been so special to me and I will continue to cherish the little everyday moments with my children.
I cannot end this without speaking about my wonderful husband. While I have been cherishing the moments with my children, I have been trying to be more cognizant of remembering these same things with Dee. I think it is easy for me to dismiss those small moments with him since we have been together for so long. I find myself thinking of how blessed I am to have found someone who is so patient and understanding of everything that I want to do. There are few men who would sacrifice what he has for me to chase this dream of a Ph.D. He stays at home with them when I go to work or school. Rarely, if ever, complains. How does he do that? I find myself continually trying to emulate his ways. He has taught me patience and faith, and I am continally amazed at his character.
I am making a declaration (not a resolution because those are stupid) to be more consistent with my blog. I hope to have an entry weekly to continue to keep a weekly journal of my life. To all who follow...thank you.
As I look back over the last week, month, year, I cannot believe how quickly life changes! I finished my first year of doc school, had a baby, and now that baby is more like a toddler. Baby Mason. What a joy he is in our lives. He is so smiley and so interactive right now. It is like he is finally starting to be his own little person. I just love him, love him. I am happy to say that because initially, I did not have that feeling. I had a harder time bonding with him than I did with Mya. I don't know if it was shear exhaustion, or the excitement of the first child that wore off with the second one, but I just didn't have the instant connection that I did with Mya. I knew I would bond with him, but it just wasn't there immediately. I just can't believe he has grown up so much. He is rolling and smiling and talking (well cooing and babbling). He lights up the room when he smiles and just has a way of having his happy mood be contagious.
And Ms. Mya. She is really starting to come into her own. As she continues to be more and more independent, Dee and I are continually amazed at how quickly she has also grown up. She is now having full conversations with us. I asked her if she wanted french fries the other day and she proceeded to order a hamburger! I didn't even mention a hamburger and she just put the association together on her own. And talking so much. She talks and talks. Sings and sings. Just all by herself, having a good time without bothering anyone. We are so blessed that she loves her naps and her alone time.
I find myself telling continually reminding myself to live in the moments. There have been so many moments, particularly lately, that I have just been enjoying the moments. As I lay and snuggle with Mason after he eats and before he goes to bed. He curls up in the fetal position, just as he was in the womb and we just lay in the warmth of one another. Mya lays her head on my shoulder, at the most random times, sitting on the couch, playing on the floor, and just says, "I love you mommy". These moments have been so special to me and I will continue to cherish the little everyday moments with my children.
I cannot end this without speaking about my wonderful husband. While I have been cherishing the moments with my children, I have been trying to be more cognizant of remembering these same things with Dee. I think it is easy for me to dismiss those small moments with him since we have been together for so long. I find myself thinking of how blessed I am to have found someone who is so patient and understanding of everything that I want to do. There are few men who would sacrifice what he has for me to chase this dream of a Ph.D. He stays at home with them when I go to work or school. Rarely, if ever, complains. How does he do that? I find myself continually trying to emulate his ways. He has taught me patience and faith, and I am continally amazed at his character.
I am making a declaration (not a resolution because those are stupid) to be more consistent with my blog. I hope to have an entry weekly to continue to keep a weekly journal of my life. To all who follow...thank you.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Things checked off the list...
Today was a good day. As stressed as I was yesterday, I actually got a lot of things checked off my list today. For those who know me, I am an obsessive list maker. It makes me feel good to actually check something off the list. The thing that I hate about being a student again is the continuous feeling of always having something hanging over my head. I have been really working on making myself just take time for myself even though there is ALWAYS something that I could be doing. But what I am trying to learn and remember is that things will always work out just fine, even if my report is done one day later or my class preparation is not as perfect as I would like it to be. God's plan to get me to be more forgiving of my imperfections is working. Off to class and to another dinner while sitting in class. Nothing like multi-tasking!
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Organizing and Prioritizing
Over the past few weeks, I have been talking about feeling really overwhelmed and trying to survive. As much as I continue to try to do this, I have been really trying (and I think fairly successfully) to be more in the moment of my life. I have restructured my work and school life so I can feel less overwhelmed and more in control. For those of you who know me, this issue of control is central to my overall mental health, something of which I am fully aware.
Thinking about my kids, as I sit here at 6:30am, being awake since 5:00am, I am just so appreciative of the quiet that these mornings bring me. As much as I dread dragging myself out of bed this early, when I do, I feel so much more peaceful during the day. Once Mason has his morning routine of eating at 5:00 and then cooing and smiling himself to sleep, I can get a good 1-2 hours of quiet in the house. No TV. No music. No kids. Just peaceful sleeping and quiet. Now just as I say that, I hear Mya talking through the monitor. "Mommy" "Daddy" "Mason". Over and over. It is so adorable that she recognizes who her family is.
The other day Mason started laughing. This is such a fun time developmentally for him. I love when he shows his big smile and dimples all around his little mouth. And it is always so fun to hear babies laugh for the first time. The contagiousness of this is so much fun.
As always, I feel blessed by my family and the people around me. The support and encouragement from others, including my kids, is often the very thing that keeps me going. For this I am always grateful.
Thinking about my kids, as I sit here at 6:30am, being awake since 5:00am, I am just so appreciative of the quiet that these mornings bring me. As much as I dread dragging myself out of bed this early, when I do, I feel so much more peaceful during the day. Once Mason has his morning routine of eating at 5:00 and then cooing and smiling himself to sleep, I can get a good 1-2 hours of quiet in the house. No TV. No music. No kids. Just peaceful sleeping and quiet. Now just as I say that, I hear Mya talking through the monitor. "Mommy" "Daddy" "Mason". Over and over. It is so adorable that she recognizes who her family is.
The other day Mason started laughing. This is such a fun time developmentally for him. I love when he shows his big smile and dimples all around his little mouth. And it is always so fun to hear babies laugh for the first time. The contagiousness of this is so much fun.
As always, I feel blessed by my family and the people around me. The support and encouragement from others, including my kids, is often the very thing that keeps me going. For this I am always grateful.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Another week
Yesterday was Labor Day and as I sat at home with my family, I found myself counting down the weeks until school was done. I thought to myself, I will just take it week by week and then, before I know it, it will be over. I felt good about this decision.
Later that night (last night) I received a phone call from my dear friend Julie, who said her grandmother just died in a tragic car accident. Remembering what has just happened to my grandfather who is recovering in the hospital from a car accident as well, it just made me stop and think about how quickly life could change. In one second, life has changed for Julie, as it did for me with my grandpa. As I laid in bed last night, I realized how much I am wasting time, worrying about getting this done for school, or that done, while I am 'waiting' to be done. I don't want to spend my life 'waiting' for something else to be done or come along. I found myself thinking of being disappointed in myself for not spending as much time with Mya or Mason these past few weeks because I have been so overwhelmed by school. And the thing that really reminded me to wake up was reading a blog written by another dear friend Christina. She is about to face the 4 year anniversary of the death of her first born daughter and her strength and optimism is inspiring. As I think about my own kids, I realize how lucky I am and how much I am not appreciating as well as I could.
Now don't get me wrong, I love my kids and spend time with them all day everyday. But I think I can do better. I owe them that much. I have been getting up at 4 or 5am to try to get work done so that when they are awake I can spend time with them. But what has been happening is that I am getting up early, but then even when they are awake, I find myself drifting off to check my email or read this section of an article, when Mya is watching Dora. While she is learning a lot from Dora (Arriba...Abajo!!! - this is hilarious when she yells this out periodically), I know she needs more of her mother's attention. I intend to change that, beginning today.
I know that life is too short (because it feels like just yesterday that I was grumbing about architecture!) and can change in an instant. I also know that I love my children and husband and want to start showing this more than I have been.
On a much lighter note, Mason was sitting in the jumparoo this morning (at around 6am) and he was jumping and jumping and (I was on the computer right next to him) all of the sudden, he stopped jumping. I turned to look at him and he was asleep! His poor little head was just dangling (along with his little legs). It was so adorable! And yesterday, Dee and I looked on as my was giving him kisses as he was sitting in the jumparoo. She was so cute looking down to him and he was looking up at her just smiling away. I can't wait to see them grow up together.
Later that night (last night) I received a phone call from my dear friend Julie, who said her grandmother just died in a tragic car accident. Remembering what has just happened to my grandfather who is recovering in the hospital from a car accident as well, it just made me stop and think about how quickly life could change. In one second, life has changed for Julie, as it did for me with my grandpa. As I laid in bed last night, I realized how much I am wasting time, worrying about getting this done for school, or that done, while I am 'waiting' to be done. I don't want to spend my life 'waiting' for something else to be done or come along. I found myself thinking of being disappointed in myself for not spending as much time with Mya or Mason these past few weeks because I have been so overwhelmed by school. And the thing that really reminded me to wake up was reading a blog written by another dear friend Christina. She is about to face the 4 year anniversary of the death of her first born daughter and her strength and optimism is inspiring. As I think about my own kids, I realize how lucky I am and how much I am not appreciating as well as I could.
Now don't get me wrong, I love my kids and spend time with them all day everyday. But I think I can do better. I owe them that much. I have been getting up at 4 or 5am to try to get work done so that when they are awake I can spend time with them. But what has been happening is that I am getting up early, but then even when they are awake, I find myself drifting off to check my email or read this section of an article, when Mya is watching Dora. While she is learning a lot from Dora (Arriba...Abajo!!! - this is hilarious when she yells this out periodically), I know she needs more of her mother's attention. I intend to change that, beginning today.
I know that life is too short (because it feels like just yesterday that I was grumbing about architecture!) and can change in an instant. I also know that I love my children and husband and want to start showing this more than I have been.
On a much lighter note, Mason was sitting in the jumparoo this morning (at around 6am) and he was jumping and jumping and (I was on the computer right next to him) all of the sudden, he stopped jumping. I turned to look at him and he was asleep! His poor little head was just dangling (along with his little legs). It was so adorable! And yesterday, Dee and I looked on as my was giving him kisses as he was sitting in the jumparoo. She was so cute looking down to him and he was looking up at her just smiling away. I can't wait to see them grow up together.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
one year
This past weekend my husband and I celebrated our first anniversary together. I cannot believe it has already been a year. So much has happened since then that this first year of marriage has flown by. I think Dennis and I are a strong couple both because of our personalities and because of the things we have been through together. I think the fact that we both are generally pretty laid back and try to go with the flow (him more than I, but I think he has mellowed me out even more). I think this is why we don't argue as much as others, but also why we can do all that we do. Along with this, I think the fact that we have two kids and survived them (so far) without too many arguments, we are stronger. Dennis has an incredible amount of patience, both with me and with life, and this is one of my favorite things about him. I cannot thank him enough for his ability to listen to me rant and deal with my grumpiness when I become overwhelmed by all the things I think I can do at once!
On another note, Dennis and I just were laughing at how unraveled I become when I am sleepy. This morning, after what I felt was a long night of no sleeping with Mason, I came downstairs to change his diaper and clothes at 4:45am in the worst mood. I was grumbling as I changed him (as he was smiling up at me), ignoring his desire to play and talk to me. As I laugh about that, I do feel bad. It is just something that I cannot seem to overcome in those moments. The feeling of really wishing I could just go back to sleep just makes me such a grump. Dennis laughed as he asked if Mason survived the morning. I laughed and told him yes, though it was close. :)
Either way, one year down and many more to go...both as a couple and as parents...
On another note, Dennis and I just were laughing at how unraveled I become when I am sleepy. This morning, after what I felt was a long night of no sleeping with Mason, I came downstairs to change his diaper and clothes at 4:45am in the worst mood. I was grumbling as I changed him (as he was smiling up at me), ignoring his desire to play and talk to me. As I laugh about that, I do feel bad. It is just something that I cannot seem to overcome in those moments. The feeling of really wishing I could just go back to sleep just makes me such a grump. Dennis laughed as he asked if Mason survived the morning. I laughed and told him yes, though it was close. :)
Either way, one year down and many more to go...both as a couple and as parents...
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Overwhelmed...
I think it is safe to say that yesterday totally overwhelmed me. I intentionally planned for my Monday and Tuesday schedule to be busier so I could "have the rest of the week to recoup" (ha..or so I thought). I am not sure whether it was getting home at 9:30pm, which as anyone who knows me knows, is WAY past my bedtime, or if it was just the culmination of being in doc school, having a 'job', teaching, having two kids and a husband, mid-way through remodeling the bathroom, or the dishes in the sink that sent me over the edge. I am guessing it is a combination of all of it. Either way, I woke up feeling better, but still somewhat overwhelmed.
I remember thinking last night (as I rode home on my bike in the dark at 9:15p), 'I can't do this anymore'. While I knew it was likely to be a fleeting thought that would pass, I was definitely to a point last night that I thought I would just drop out of school and call it quits. Today has been a much better day even though Mason woke me up every hour last night. I am feeling refreshed, and as I expected the fleeting thought is gone and I am determined to finish school.
While I know I have many more responsibilities than my cohort members in school, there is nothing I would change about my children. Mya is the most wonderful child to me. Her curiosity and hardheadedness is something I appreciate more and more because I know she is so much like her mother. When she smiles and talks in her tiny little voice, it makes me so thankful to be blessed as I am. And her brother. She just absolutely loves him. The way she sings to herself when she is in bed and names all the members of her family melts my heart every time. And Mr. Mason. Man o man. If he would only sleep more. I was so spoiled with Mya because she slept through the night at 6 weeks and he is going on 10 weeks and is just now sleeping for a 4 hour period. (This may also be contributing to the overwhelmedness I assume) But he is certainly starting to have his personality show through. His smile is so hilarious because he jut grins from ear to ear and moves his head around like he is just so happy to have some attention. Even being sleep deprived, I love him all the same and can't wait to see how the two of them interact as they get older.
I hope to use this both as an outlet for myself and as a journal that I can eventually share with my kids one day. I know how quickly life moves by and how quickly I forget the smallest things that make me so happy. Hopefully this will help keep a memory of all of the smallest, most wonderful things.
I remember thinking last night (as I rode home on my bike in the dark at 9:15p), 'I can't do this anymore'. While I knew it was likely to be a fleeting thought that would pass, I was definitely to a point last night that I thought I would just drop out of school and call it quits. Today has been a much better day even though Mason woke me up every hour last night. I am feeling refreshed, and as I expected the fleeting thought is gone and I am determined to finish school.
While I know I have many more responsibilities than my cohort members in school, there is nothing I would change about my children. Mya is the most wonderful child to me. Her curiosity and hardheadedness is something I appreciate more and more because I know she is so much like her mother. When she smiles and talks in her tiny little voice, it makes me so thankful to be blessed as I am. And her brother. She just absolutely loves him. The way she sings to herself when she is in bed and names all the members of her family melts my heart every time. And Mr. Mason. Man o man. If he would only sleep more. I was so spoiled with Mya because she slept through the night at 6 weeks and he is going on 10 weeks and is just now sleeping for a 4 hour period. (This may also be contributing to the overwhelmedness I assume) But he is certainly starting to have his personality show through. His smile is so hilarious because he jut grins from ear to ear and moves his head around like he is just so happy to have some attention. Even being sleep deprived, I love him all the same and can't wait to see how the two of them interact as they get older.
I hope to use this both as an outlet for myself and as a journal that I can eventually share with my kids one day. I know how quickly life moves by and how quickly I forget the smallest things that make me so happy. Hopefully this will help keep a memory of all of the smallest, most wonderful things.
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